Your clients are not lazy.
Hi, my name is Lilly Malardie, and I’m the Director of Coach & Training Development at Body Brain Alliance. I’ve been in the behavior change coaching space for many years now. What I often see is newer coaches immediately judging their clients. They think, “This client’s just lazy. They don’t want it bad enough.”
If you’ve ever thought that about a client, then this is for you.
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The Impact of Judgment
Avoid Labeling Clients as Lazy
If you are labeling your clients as lazy or not wanting it bad enough, it is already having a negative impact on your coaching relationship. Even if you feel like you have the best poker face and can coach and guide them through it, I’m telling you that the coaching relationship has already been impacted negatively. This will affect their progress and success because, as their coach, you are giving advice through the lens of judgment, shame, and bias, which helps no one.
Understanding the Complexity of Behavior Change
Newer coaches often fall into this trap due to a lack of experience. Lack of experience is okay; it’s part of the learning process. As you gain more experience, you will start to understand the complexities of behavior change and what helps or holds back clients in reaching their goals. Sometimes, newer coaches may not have faced similar hardships or obstacles, which can cloud their understanding and empathy.
Building a Better Coaching Relationship
Understanding Client Goals and Values
Your clients are not lazy. Instead, you as a coach might be lacking an understanding of your client’s goals, values, and the real-life obstacles they face. If a client wants to lose weight, for example, you need to understand why they want to lose weight. Is it for health reasons, to keep up with their grandkids, or to fit into a dress for an event? Each reason holds different levels of value and motivation.
Asking the Right Questions
Allow the client to talk about why they chose their goal. This helps you as their coach to understand their motivations and obstacles. Ask questions like, “What got in the way this week?” or “How did that experience feel to you?” This helps you understand both what helped them follow through and what held them back.
Implementing Effective Coaching Strategies
Leading with Curiosity
Always lead with curiosity. This approach equips you with the skills to help your clients see success. It’s not about wanting it bad enough; it’s about having the skills to overcome normal, common obstacles when trying to adhere to a new behavior.
Using the Confidence Scale
Experiment with the confidence scale. Ask your client how confident they feel about following through with their goals. Be specific. For example, if their goal is to exercise three times a week, ask them how confident they feel about achieving that. If they rate their confidence as a four, ask, “What makes you pick a four instead of a one?” This helps them tap into their strengths. Conversely, if they rate it high, ask, “Why did you pick a seven and not an eight or nine?” This helps them identify areas for improvement and support.
Remember, things are more complex for individuals to make changes. As coaches, we should not label our clients as lazy or not wanting it bad enough. Instead, use effective coaching strategies: get curious, ask questions, help clients reflect, and tap into their values. This approach will help them reach their goals in the long term.
