Episode 58: Let’s Talk Self-Leadership

Good morning! If you have seen me on social media lately, you know that I have vowed to be a little bit more direct, a little bit more honest. I think I have been sort of muting myself a little bit to keep everybody comfortable, and so, this episode is gonna be, I’ll admit, a little bit of a call out, but I hope you know that it comes from a place of compassion, and it comes from a place of love because I reminded myself that sometimes compassion isn’t letting ourselves off the hook. Sometimes compassion isn’t saying something in the nicest way. Sometimes compassion is telling people what they need to hear and giving it to them straight, and so, in this episode, I’m gonna give it to you straight.

So, what I want to talk about today is that you are in charge of making your own rules and making your own decisions. This is coming from a place of me being on social media, I get DMs all the time of people asking for permission, or I get comments of people asking for permission. So, for example, I would talk about The Frequency Project, and someone would be like, “Well, can I do five habits instead of four habits?” I get questions like this all the time, and it drives me a little bit nuts because what it is is that person outsourcing the permission-giving in their life to an external party.

I get that sometimes it is validating to get permission from other people, but when it comes to behavior change, and when it comes to the nitty gritty of our own lives, when it comes to our day-to-day habits and decisions, I am actually incapable of making the decision that is right for you because for some of you it’s gonna be totally fine that you choose five habits instead of four. For some of you, choosing five habits instead of four might be a little bit overwhelming. I would need to know why we’re choosing five habits instead of four. And this goes beyond questions like that, right?

I get questions all the time that are — I will say, “Hey, try this tactic,” and someone says, “Oh, well, I do this tactic a little differently. Is that okay?” “Ma’am, if it’s working for you, of course it’s okay!” And so, what I want to impress upon you today is that, although experts like me are amazing for providing knowledge, for providing education — this is something I do in Change Academy; I give you the real science behind the things you’re trying to do — only you get to be the authority in your own life. Only you can be the one that is giving yourself permission, and if you are constantly commenting on my shit, if you are constantly DMing me to ask for advice and permission and decisions that you should make in your own life, I want you to question that behavior because what that behavior indicates is a lack of self-trust, okay? I cannot set a goal for you. I cannot tell you what to do first. I cannot tell you what you should try. I cannot tell you who you want to be. No one — no one — who is an expert out there on Instagram should or can tell you how to live your life, okay?

I say this because as much as I want to tell you to do coaching and I want to tell you to join Change Academy and I want to tell you to do our free resources, I want to remind you that, at BBA, we are here to help be the GPS from point A to point B, but you have to decide where point B is, and you have to decide whether you want to make that journey or not. When you have made those two decisions, then we’re ready for you. We’re here. But if you do not have a sense of direction, if you do not have a sense of self-trust, if you do not have a sense of or an ability to rely on yourself as the number one authority in your life, then that’s a circumstance and a situation where I would probably direct you towards therapy so that you can develop that sense of self-trust before you use our resources.

So, I don’t mean this to be mean in any way. I don’t want you to feel like I’m telling you to fuck off because I’m not, but what I am telling you is that I have noticed a pattern of codependency in my audience lately. I have noticed a pattern of everybody needing me to tell them exactly how to tweak, accommodate, give permission, etcetera, etcetera in order for them to achieve their goals. Codependency is no foundation for healthy behavior change.

So, if you’re in my audience, if you’re Karin Nordin’s superfan, awesome. I’m glad you’re here. But what I want you to do is question yourself and ask yourself, “Am I giving this chick too much credit? Am I giving this girl (who I don’t know who I’m following on Instagram) too much false authority over my life?” If you are, I want to invite you to unfollow me for a while. I want to invite you to mute me for a while so that you’re not seeing my content because when you take a break from it, that’s when you’re gonna realize that I don’t know you. We are not friends. You and your friends and your family members and the people who are actually close to you, I want you to be having the conversations about what’s right for you.

So, this is your invitation to take a break from me. This is your invitation to step into self-trust and be the person who’s giving yourself permission.