Taking Accountability for Your Life

If you feel like things are constantly happening in your life — more bystander than main character — stick around. We’re going to cover what taking accountability actually looks like, and how to do it without making yourself feel awful.

Let me start with a simple question: Do you actually feel like things are happening to you, or that you’re making things happen? This is about how much accountability you think you’re taking in your life for the outcomes you’re getting — and for the outcomes you want to create.

Content by Jimena Ramirez, behavior change coach and Director of Coaching & Program Strategy at Body Brain Alliance.

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What Does Taking Accountability Actually Mean?

Taking accountability for our life and for our reality means that we can acknowledge that our life is a reflection of the choices that we make.

Now, I want to stop here and give a little disclaimer. This perspective — of freedom, of making choices, of accountability — does not apply to situations involving violence, coercion, or inequality. I feel compelled to clarify this because in those situations, we have very little, if any, choice. Now that we have established that, let’s talk about choices.

The Truth About Having Choices

A lot of times we feel like we have no choices available — and that is because we don’t like the choices that we have available. So we first need to clarify that having choices doesn’t mean that we’re always going to have the choices that we want or deserve.

Looking at this from a neutral perspective: we always have a choice. And even in situations where we don’t have a lot of control, we can control our mindset and our attitude. Those can be some of the choices that we have.

When we can acknowledge and understand where we are, we can trace back to some of the choices that have led to that outcome. Accountability means recognizing that in every situation, we have a degree of control — even if it’s not where we’d like. And in that space of control is where our choices lie.

Taking Radical Responsibility

We can look back at past choices and acknowledge that they weren’t helpful or that they weren’t leading to our desired outcome. However, we don’t need to get stuck in that position — thinking about what we should have done or why we made a mistake. We can use that with neutrality to understand how to move forward.

This is what we call taking radical responsibility. It means fully acknowledging the choices that we have and the outcomes that we are creating.

How to Start Working on Change

From that place of radical responsibility, we’re no longer a bystander. Things are no longer happening to us. We can acknowledge what falls outside our control, and also the degree of control we do have. We can trace the choices that got us here, and from there we can ask ourselves:

How do I feel about the outcomes that I’m getting? How do I feel about the choices that I’m making? What are the choices that are available to me? What were the choices that were available before? And what can I do if I choose again?

This process of checking for alignment is what is actually going to get us unstuck. If I ask myself how I feel about my choices and outcomes and I say “yeah, I feel great” — amazing. But if I don’t feel great about those outcomes and choices, then I get to choose again.

You Are the Captain of Your Life: Taking Accountability with Compassion

There is so much power in choosing. When I start acknowledging my role in that, I can see that I’m the captain of my life. I’m steering the ship. Yes, maybe there are external sources having an impact. But I can choose how I steer my ship. I can choose to change the course. I can choose again.

This means I don’t need to sit in shame. I don’t need to make myself feel terrible about the things that I chose before or how I got to this place. I can simply look back, analyze, and make different choices. From this compassionate perspective, I understand that I made the best choices I could with the information and resources I had. And now I get to choose again.

A Real-Life Example

To give an example of this: maybe we planned to do a couple of workouts last week, and then the kids were sick and there were a lot of deadlines at work, and so no workouts got done. It would actually have been unreasonable to think that those workouts would happen.

There were a lot of things out of my control. My choices were not aligned with the outcome I wanted — getting to the gym. But they were fully aligned with the values I hold in my life. They were aligned with the fact that my job really matters to me. Taking care of my kids really matters to me. And those are values I was living in.

I can say: in this situation, the choices I made are not conducive to that outcome I wanted to create, but they are conducive to creating the life that I want in the long term — because I was living in my values.

When Accountability Feels Impossible

Accountability can’t exist if I feel powerless. When we tell ourselves “I didn’t have a choice — I can’t leave my kids when they’re sick, I can’t not do my job” — what we’re telling ourselves is that there was no choice available. And from there, we spiral into “why even try?” and why even bother.

But what if instead of thinking “I skipped the gym and I’m the worst,” you could actually think: “I chose to take care of my kids, and that is okay. I get to choose again this week or the next week.” We want to reclaim our choices without judgment — because that is what actually allows us to choose again.

A Practical Tip to Start Taking Accountability Today

Think about a goal or outcome you would like to create. Think about what is within your control when it comes to creating that outcome. For example, say it’s working out and weather is the barrier. Check the forecast ahead of time, plan to go when it’s not raining, and make sure you have adequate gear.

What is within your control? And from there: what is one action that you’re committed to taking this week towards that outcome you want to create?

You Have the Ability to Create Change

However, bringing our focus back to what we can control means acknowledging that we are active participants in our life. And that means we have the ability to create change.

If you want to take this work deeper, come check out the Change Academy — we would love to support you on your journey.