Put Down Your Phone (Staying Present)

If you feel that using your phone or scrolling on social media is getting in the way of being the happy and present person that you’d like to be… stick around because you’re going to learn some tips to work through that.

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Hi, my name is Jimena Ramirez and I’m a behavior change coach. I’m also the director of coaching and program strategy here at Body Brain Alliance.

One of the qualities that our clients choose the most to describe their best selves or their future selves is being present. And one of the barriers they can usually identify the most is phone usage.

There are many reasons for this. The first being — it’s fun! It’s easy to get sucked into endless entertainment with your phone. You may even avoid tasks that would otherwise feel like a chore or that you’re not ready to take on.

When using our phone is getting in the way of being more present, this realization often comes with a lot of self-judgment. But self-judgment will not help you move away from that behavior.

So the first thing we want to do is understand that we’re human beings and all our brain is trying to do is protect us from certain emotions and feelings. It’s doing so in the way that it knows. We’re not bad people for doing this — we’re simply turning to strategies that our brain knows and is familiar with.

Become a Detective, Not a Judge

Start by adding neutrality into this. Think about this behavior neutrally and become a detective, not a judge. A good detective asks questions:

• When is this behavior hitting harder? When is it harder to get detached from your phone?
• When is it really easy to get sucked into scrolling?
• What is happening right before you start using your phone? How are you feeling? How did your day go?
• What is your phone possibly giving you? Control? Entertainment?
• Can we start identifying the need that this phone usage is satisfying?
• Do you enjoy scrolling?

There is no right or wrong answer here. This is something to honestly think about.

Now, picture presence. When you’re thinking about being more present, what is the vision that you have about being a little more present in your life or with your loved ones? How much effort does it entail? How much time? How much attention are you expected to put into being present with yourself or with others?

Once you go through these prompts and questions, you have super valuable information about why you’re probably turning to using your phone more — and how you can use it a bit less.

Rethink Your Definition of Presence

This is where I want you to think about going back to your definition of presence. How flexible do you think that is? And how much of an impact is that having on seeing presence as something that is easier to access — or not?

Your pain might be perceiving that the difficulty of these tasks or the resources they require are a barrier to actually being more present. Have you ever got home after a super long day at work and you’re expected to switch an “on” button for presence — but you’re just not ready for that?

So how are you defining presence for yourself? And is that definition helpful or detrimental to lowering the entry barrier?

Think Flexibly About Presence

What would it look like to think about presence in a more flexible way?

For example, maybe you’re thinking that to be present with your partner, you need to give your full attention and have super meaningful conversations — but your brain is just not ready for that. So what could be a more flexible way to do that? Could that be sitting with your partner? Holding hands or cuddling? Watching some funny videos together? That could still be a way to create presence.

If we’re thinking about hanging out with your kids, maybe you’re thinking: “I need to play with them and read them bedtime stories.” What could be another way to create presence? Could it be asking your kid to read the story to you? Asking about their favorite part of the day? Engaging in playtime in a way that is realistic to you at that moment? Could it be eating in the same place as a family — even while watching TV?

These are all ways to see this flexibly enough so that the behavior of being more present becomes more accessible to you with whatever resources you have at that time.

Help Yourself Transition Into Presence

Sometimes we have this expectation that there is going to be a switch where we’re suddenly present. How can we slowly and gradually transition into creating presence? Can this become something we intentionally create as a routine or sequence?

Think of this as prep work — priming yourself to be more present. Maybe this could look like giving yourself some downtime with intentional phone boundaries. If you enjoy using your phone, there’s nothing wrong with that. What you’re identifying is that it is currently getting in the way of creating presence. So maybe we can set a limit on that so you can then transition into other parts of your life.

Or maybe it’s getting home and taking a hot shower, getting into your PJs, or going on a walk — a way to transition from whatever you were doing before, get some downtime, and feel ready to be present. Maybe it’s even something as simple as having a snack before you feel ready to engage with others.

Ask yourself: What do I need to feel ready to be a little more present? What is one tiny action that can help me transition into presence when doing a whole routine is not possible?

Do You Need to Communicate These Needs?

The last thing to consider — do you need to communicate these needs with anyone? Maybe your kids, partner, or someone else.

This can be a great way to ask for support in creating space for yourself and showing up as the most present version of yourself.

As always, we want to identify and redirect over and over again. Noticing allows us to choose again — without shame and without guilt.

Join The Conversation

We would love to know if you have any comments or thoughts that you want to share with us. Drop them in the comment section below.

Thank you for reading, see you in the next one!