Why I Hid My Pregnancy from the Internet

“I just wanted to.”

The Overarching Reason I Hid My Pregnancy from the Internet

The number one reason I chose to hide my pregnancy from social media is simple: I wanted to. On social media, I talk a big talk about transparency. I show my true life, the ups and downs, the good and the bad, the no makeup days, and the days when I look polished. When I thought about getting pregnant and what I wanted my pregnancy to be like, I was surprised to find a desire within me to keep it private. It felt contradictory to my usual approach to sharing my life.

As my friend Sarah Tierney often says, “I want to” is a good enough reason. Above all, I hid my pregnancy because I wanted to. This decision came from a place of pure desire, and I allowed myself to pursue it based on that alone. Is there something in your life you want to do, even if it doesn’t align with how you usually live? Can you allow yourself to pursue something based purely on desire?

Setting a Precedent

Establishing Boundaries

I wanted to set a precedent. There is a lot of dialogue about kids being online and whether their faces should be shared on social media. My partner and I decided that we didn’t want any identifying information about our child on social media for safety reasons. This includes their name, birthdate, and face.

Keeping Personal Life Private

My personal Instagram is about me, my journey, and behavior change education. I am not an expert on pregnancy, children, or parenting. By hiding my pregnancy and then revealing the baby later, I set a clear boundary that my family is not something I want to discuss with the wider public. It’s okay to have boundaries; you just need to be responsible for communicating them.

Avoiding Unsolicited Advice

Protecting Emotional Well-being

There is no group of people worse about offering unsolicited advice than parents. On Instagram, people often give me advice or suggestions, and while it comes from a genuine place, it can be overwhelming. During my first pregnancy, I knew I would be emotionally vulnerable and decided that it was better to keep it private to avoid unsolicited advice.

Mental Contrasting Technique

When going into a big life event, it helps to think ahead and identify potential problems. A great tool for this is mental contrasting using the WOOP (Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan) method. My wish was for a peaceful pregnancy, my outcome was to trust my own doctors and instincts, the obstacle was unsolicited feedback, and my plan was to avoid it altogether.

Recognizing Online Realities

You aren’t seeing real life.

We all need a reminder that the people we see online are not showing their real lives. You’re seeing a tiny fraction of their day, and it’s easy to make assumptions or comparisons based on incomplete information. Even if I share my whole day on stories, you’re only seeing minutes of a 24-hour day.

Being the Expert on Your Life

You are the expert on your own life. Comparing your life to someone else’s online presence is a bad strategy. My habits, routines, tools, and approach during my pregnancy were specifically based on my life circumstances and the science of behavior change. Your circumstances are unique, and you need to craft your own approach based on science and your specific situation.

Conclusion

I hid my pregnancy from the internet to set a precedent, protect myself from unsolicited advice, and remind everyone of the realities of online life. Above all, I did it because I wanted to. This pregnancy has been hard in many ways, and I am glad I thought ahead about how I wanted this experience to go. Focus on what you can control, set your boundaries, and above all, follow what you want to do.