Episode 42: NYRT #1 – You Don’t Have to Change

Ooh, I am so excited for this episode because, drumroll please, do-do-do-do-do, today is the beginning of a brand new series here on The Work of Becoming podcast, all about New Year’s Resolution Tips. It is New Year’s resolution season, and as a person who loves self-improvement, as a person who adores personal development, this is my Super Bowl.

And so, if that’s not you, if you’re not excited about the new year, go ahead and just take a pause on listening to the podcast because I love it. I love the fresh start. I love the feeling of a new year. I love the possibility that comes with it. Everything about it just makes my soul light up on fire. And so, over the next few episodes, I’m gonna just give you a tip in each individual episode for approaching the new year, setting resolutions, that kind of stuff.

The tip that I want to start with today is a very solid reminder that you don’t have to change anything about yourself. Nothing about you needs to change. I want you to say that to yourself for a minute. I want you to put your hands over your heart, take a deep breath, and say, “I am worthy, I am safe, and I am amazing exactly as I am.”

Here’s a mistake I see lots of people make when it comes to personal development. They approach change as a way to get away from their current self. They approach personal development as a way to fix something about their current self. They’re like, “Oh, I need to fix the fact that I’m messy. I need to fix the fact that I’m, quote, “out of shape.” I need to fix the fact that I’m always doing this or that or the other thing.

What I can tell you is that every single part of my experience working with clients, every single piece of evidence that I have read supports the idea that change that is sustainable, change that is long lasting, change that works does not come from a place of hate, and that is a little bit different from coming from a place that is being a little bit fed up with yourself. I have been frustrated with my behavior, and I’ve used that frustration to drive changes, but the difference there is that if you’re a little frustrated with yourself, what you’re aiming for on the opposite side of that frustration is empowerment. You’re like, “I’m frustrated, and I am so determined to be the person I want to be. I’m frustrated with myself because I know that this is gonna empower me when I make this change. I’m frustrated with myself because I know I can do things that support myself.

So, what all of this goes back to is the idea that particularly in this season, we get these desires and we are experiencing marketing coming from every angle that says, “This is what’s wrong with you. You don’t have a good morning routine. You don’t work out enough. You’re not approaching exercise the right way. You’re not in control of your eating patterns.”

What marketing actually teaches, a lot of the marketing out there, and this is not marketing that I personally use, but what was taught to me when I was an entrepreneur at the beginning of my relationship with this industry is that you need to market to people’s pain points. You need to talk extensively about all the things that are going wrong in their life. You need to have a list on your website that’s like, “Do you wake up and feel frustrated every day? Do you feel like you’re out of control with food?”

And so, I want you to pay attention as you go throughout the next 30 days of this New Year’s resolution season. I want you to pay attention to all of the people that you’re following, all the companies who you’re following who are using this toxic, backwards, messed up, hate-filled, scarcity marketing and pain-point marketing. I want you to do yourself a favor and mute and unsubscribe anyone who makes you feel bad about the person that you currently are.

I think it’s very different to say to someone, “Hey, if this is what you want for your life, I can help you get there,” versus, “Hey, your life currently sucks in X and Y way. I’m gonna fix this for you.” Personal development is not about fixing yourself. You do not need to be fixed. I’m gonna say that again. You do not need to be fixed. So do not let any person, any influencer, any marketing company, any large corporation, any advertisement — unsubscribe and mute anyone who tells you that they’re gonna fix you with their product, that you need to be fixed.

Instead, tap into the idea that personal development is about exploration. Personal development is about creating yourself. It’s about envisioning a new version of yourself that you want to explore. It’s about moving towards something that feels fun and interesting and curious and playful. It’s not about ridding yourself of the qualities that make you a human being. I don’t need to rid myself of the fact that sometimes I sleep in. I don’t need to rid myself of the fact that sometimes I skip the gym. All of those are part of being human and that’s okay.

So, ground yourself in this podcast. Anytime you’re feeling that kind of way, I want you to come back and listen ‘cause I’m really feeling it today, and I think you can tell in my voice. Come back and listen to me remind you that nothing about you needs to be fixed. You are worthy, and you are enough exactly as you are, and if you have something that you want to tweak, that you want to play with, if you want to explore something new, that’s awesome! I fully support that. I’m gonna be exploring and changing and pursuing and growing this year myself as well, but what I am not gonna do is I am not gonna allow anybody to tell me that who I am right now is not enough.