How to shift your self-talk… We’re often our harshest critics, right?
The thoughts and words we say to ourselves matter and will impact your life positively or negatively.
We’re going to start this blog with a hard question.
“If you talked to other people the way you talk to yourself, what would those relationships look like?”
Hi, I’m Karin Nordin, and I’m a PhD level behavior change expert. On Instagram, I get the same freaking question all the time, “How do I follow through on the things I promise myself?”
My answer is generally the same.
You do the work to build a healthy, dependable relationship with yourself, just like you would do with anybody else in your life.
And yes, this is absolutely easier said than done…
However, in this blog you’re going to learn two mindset shifts that help our clients develop compassionate and effective mental monologues.
I promise this is going to have a huge impact on your life.
*Prefer to learn on video? Watch here:
Self-Talk Shift #1: Stop Using The Word Excuses
You’ve probably said phrases like this to yourself before:
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- That’s just an excuse.
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- I’m making excuses.
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- I need to stop making excuses
Here’s a radical shift:
When you start to view everything that your brain is offering you as a legitimate reason, as a legitimate obstacle that you need to take seriously, you will become much better at getting past those obstacles.
In other words, you can figure out how to actually problem solve instead of just ignoring those problems by calling them an excuse.
I’m going to give you a personal story on this one.
For a long time, I was working out early in the morning and I would wake up and I would feel this intense resistance to go to the gym.
And when I asked myself where that resistance came from, it really came from the idea that my sweatpants and my pajamas were warm and cozy and I didn’t want to put on cold leggings and go to the gym.
And at first I wrote myself off as, that’s just an excuse. I just need to get over it. I just need to move on.
But spoiler alert, writing it off didn’t actually help me change the behavior.
I kept resisting the gym and in some cases skipping it…
So I used my behavior change brain, and I tried a different tactic.
I simply told myself that I could wear my pajamas to the gym. I could wear those cozy sweatpants all the way there, and I would change when I got there. And poof, all of a sudden it was a lot easier for me to get to the gym.
Basically, when you remove the word excuse from your self-talk…
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- You build in opportunities for you to create that relationship with yourself
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- Take problems seriously
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- And actually develop solutions
With that said, let’s move on to the second self-talk correction that I want you to make. And yes, it is another phrase that I want you to stop saying.
Self-Talk Shift #2: Stop Saying, “I’m Just Going To Figure It Out.”
It might also sound like, “I’m just going to be more disciplined.” OR “I’m just going to make sure I get that done.”
Question for you:
Has saying those things ever actually helped you?
No, probably not.
That’s because “I’m going to figure it out” is not a plan for figuring it out.
Telling yourself “I’ll be better” about something does not help you figure out what better means or how to get there.
Telling yourself you’ll just “figure it out” does not actually help you figure it out. Anytime you see the word just in your self-talk… That is a red flag.
Instead, when those phrases pop up in your mind, I want you to replace them with these curious questions:
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- How exactly will I get the result I want? And what is that result?
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- What does figuring it out actually look like?
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- How can I support my future self?
If you’re skeptical, just try it out for one single week. I’m asking you for seven days.
That’s it.
Remove the words “just” and “excuse” from your vocabulary. Instead, replace them with actual problem solving and actual planning.
In Conclusion:
Be honest with me: How helpful were these tips for you?
If on a scale of 1-10 you would say more than 4, I want you to do something.
I want you to sign up for our Tuesday toolbox newsletter HERE.
Every single Tuesday we send out an actionable change tip. We actually teach you how to do something even more than I do in these blogs.
And if you use those tips, I promise you’ll get so much closer to being the person you want to be.
Thank you for reading, see you in the next one!
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